apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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