Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
