You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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