there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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