I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
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Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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