If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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