WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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