Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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