And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
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If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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