brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
