There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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