He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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