I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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