I puked a lego.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar