my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach