Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.