I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
