Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize