if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
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That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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