do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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