Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
