the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
