This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
