So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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