Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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