Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
