conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
