how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
