she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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