Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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