I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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