epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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