if only i could text you this smell
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
