I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
