walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize