tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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