I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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