I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
