i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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