Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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