shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
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The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.