I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.