I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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