I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
