I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
