i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize