I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize