I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
