@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.