I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running