First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music