I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
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I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it