my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
