Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
