Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
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She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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