Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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