We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
