bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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